eldest daughter canon events
(brown woman edition)
I’m the eldest daughter in my family and it certainly an honour to be one but sometimes (actually no, most of the time), it can be exhausting to the core of my soul. As I was writing some of these “events” down, I realised how strong I’ve become in my 30s. I still struggle from time to time, but with each of these canon events, I’ve learned to adapt and to detach when needed.
Let me know if you tick any one of the canon event in the list!
“you have to get married first before your siblings”
“i wish i had an elder sibling instead” moment
“you’re like a second mother”
“i have a duty to get you married off..”
walking on eggshells
“you have to be the role model..”
being your parents’ therapist
they expect you to be independent but still expect you to find a man to look after you.
“i can do it myself” attitude
considered “loud” when you start to voice out
growing up feeling like you had to prove something to your parents
the thoughts of moving out and living alone crosses the mind almost every day lol
dealing with toxic relatives
prefers to be left alone
people pleasing often stems from being the eldest daughter because it starts from seeking validation from our parents.
feeling guilt when you prioritise yourself first
added bonus: anxiety and rage
The list will never end. At every phase of an eldest daughter’s life, there would be a new canon event that she has to face. Whether you relate to it or not, being the eldest in the family often comes with extra pressure. There are sacrifices, fears, and challenges we had to face growing up— and we just dealt with them the best we could.
As adults, we now have the chance to reflect and approach these experiences differently— in ways that don’t continue to harm us mentally or emotionally. That’s where therapy or shadow work (like journaling) can help. But the truth is, not all of us have access to that kind of support.
To all the eldest daughters out there— I see you. Your feelings are valid. You are not loud. You are not alone. Be your own cheerleader. Be proud of who you are and how far you’ve come. 🤍
I love my family and I’m so grateful for them, but putting myself first has been the best decision of my life. I’m not saying you have to be selfish in every single situation but sometimes, it’s okay to put yourself first.
And to me, that’s what self-care really is.
