why are we so afraid to fall in love?
Is it the fear of getting hurt? Is it the failed first love?
As I watched my childhood friend walk down the aisle with her parents on each side, I couldn’t help but shed tears of joy. Well, I haven't talked to her in ages, but deep down, I was so happy for her. However, it was also a gut-wrenching reminder that we all grew up.
We all had our own experiences—good and bad. We learned who we are, and some of us are still learning. We found love in hopeful and hopeless places—some of us eventually took that love into the next phase (not necessarily marriage) of our lives, while others chose to tuck it within ourselves, dug a huge grave, and covered it up as perfectly as possible so it wouldn’t escape.
In that moment, I couldn’t help but wonder why most of us are so afraid to fall in love? We walk around this earth feeling a lack of connection. It’s like we got lost and don’t remember the way to love. To be honest, the thought of falling in love kind of gives me the jitters.
Is it the fear of getting hurt? Is it the failed first love? Is it the crushes that turned into unrequited love? Is it the fear of being rejected? Is it that relationship that taught you the person you love would eventually throw you away like you're nothing? Is it because you get overwhelmed by the thought of committing to someone for the rest of your life? (But is that really so bad?)
I asked my followers on instagram, “why are you so afraid to fall in love?” and one of my friends’ reply really resonated with me.
To think about it, I actually have a bigger problem. I’ve been afraid to even go on dates all my life. Yup, I’ve never been on a date. Maybe I could consider that one guy who hung out with me when I was 16 as sort of my first date. I mean, I didn’t even know it was a date. I thought we were just chilling because I clearly told him I had feelings for someone else. I guess he didn’t get the memo until he texted me after we went home, saying, "It was a great date." The way I disappeared the minute I saw that text... He was a nice guy. I felt so bad, but I was 16. I was young, in love with someone else (spoiler alert: unrequited love + rejected), and i wasn’t into him. He was young too, so he didn’t notice that he was going too fast. So I guess it was a date? Even if it was, I never went on one after that. Even with my ex, we didn’t date; we just progressed from being friends to a relationship (which, looking back, I realise was a wrong move).
I’ve also been downloading dating apps on and off for years but never once went on a date, even though I was asked out many times. I couldn’t bring myself to meet them. Perhaps, it’s due to my insecurities, the dating horror stories I’ve heard from friends, or i’m simply afraid to let my guards down.
I don’t have a solution for how to get rid of the fear of falling in love, but I guess it’s something I’ve got to figure out on my own. One thing I’m absolutely sure about is that I love myself too much to put myself in a vulnerable spot again, and I know that many of us are afraid to fall in love for the same reason. We are our own sole protectors. We wonder if it’s worth all the hard work we’ve put in over the years to pick up all those shattered pieces. We’re just not ready to let someone in.
It’s okay. You’re not alone. I feel that way too.
Maybe my perspective and what I’m feeling right now will change in the future, but for now, I’m good.
So tell me, are you afraid to fall in love too?
The way you highlighted the emotional complexity of love, and the fear of vulnerability was so relatable. I really appreciated your honesty about your own experiences and insecurities. We should also think about how true growth often comes from being vulnerable and open. If we shield ourselves too much, we might miss out on amazing connections and experiences that love can bring. It's all about finding that sweet spot between self-protection and being open to love. Being vulnerable doesn't mean we're neglecting our self-worth; it means we trust ourselves to handle the ups and downs of relationships, knowing that even if we get hurt, we have the strength to heal and grow from it.
After my recent heartbreak I can definitely say I’m afraid to fall in love because I felt like I was the only one left to pick up the pieces of what me and the other person were and potentially could’ve been, but I guess that’s the beautiful vulnerability that can be found in love. As well as this, it’s about if we can work through these difficulties in our relationships with others or if we’re just incompatible (I was the latter with my person unfortunately) and both are equal chances of growth for each individual ❤️🩹